In Times of Trouble
by Chandlure Trainez
Summary: Sometimes it seems like there is no other way out, and for Usopp, that time has come. Trigger warning: Suicide/Suicide Attempt. Ambiguous/open ending


_In Times of Trouble_

Usopp surveyed his factory. Everything, it seemed, was in place. It was time.

The main lantern was off; the only light came from the lantern on his desk which cast a soft glow over the room. The sounds from outside filtered into the room. Luffy and Chopper were chasing each other across the deck, Nami could be heard telling Robin about something in her magazine. If he listened really carefully, he could hear Brooke playing a soft song at the back of the ship – it must have been his turn for watch. That would mean that Zoro was at the front of the ship for his watch. It was closing on noon, Sanji would be in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on lunch, and Franky was in his own factory working on some new upgrade for the ship.

He left his sketchbook open on the desk with a picture that he had drawn of the entire crew. The rest of the book contained other memories from their adventures through the Grand Line and some of the New World. It was unfinished, and it would remain that way now.

Usopp took a deep breath and turned his back on the room, slowly walking out and closing the door with finality. He slowly made his way upstairs to the deck, despondent as the others went about their business, barely noticing as he passed by them. He walked past the swings and went up the stairs to the second floor. Usopp passed the Library and went up to the third floor where his branch office was.

Once there he stopped. From his vantage point, he could see everyone. He could watch what they were doing, a lone person looking in through the window. It made him happy, he could watch them, it made him feel safe. Idly, he placed his hand in his pocket and pulled out the four pills that he had been carrying around with him. He had gotten them at the last island after a particularly bad fight with Nami. Usopp chuckled, the fight didn't seem that important anymore, he can barely remember what it had even been about.

He bent down and opened up the platform of his bench and took out a piece of paper and pen. He had spent so much time mentally rehearsing what he had wanted to say that the pen practically flew across the paper. All too soon he was finished.

 _My Dearest, Crew_

 _I have always been able to deal pretty well with tragedy. My mother died when I was very young, my father left when I was even younger. I have fought so hard but now, now I am tired, just so very tired._

 _I have told myself that things would get better, and they had, for a long while. I daresay that I've been as close to happy as I have ever been. But things have changed, I am sure you have noticed. I've been prone to getting angry quicker, I've been rasher in my actions, I haven't wanted to play. I feel like something is following me around and sucking out any positive emotion I've had, no matter how happy I would be one day, the next I am so depressed I can't leave my bed. I feel like a fraud._

 _Not because I have tried to hide this from you, although it hurts to admit it. I feel like a fraud because all of you believed in me, and I am nothing. I can go through the motions, make up stories, but there is nothing that I do that helps you guys. I am not needed. I take up space. I am useless._

 _Lives are like relationships in a way. When the joy is gone, or something better comes along, you leave. Or you should anyway, why stay when you aren't happy anymore?_

 _By the time you guys read this, I will be gone. Perhaps, I will be reunited with my mother. You guys have been so amazing to me and have sacrificed so much more. I am happy to say that will no longer be the case, you won't have to worry about me anymore. I just did not want to leave you like this without you knowing why._

 _All my love, forever,_

 _Usopp_

He read over the letter, and placed it on his workbench, held down by the edge of a hammer to keep it from blowing away. He then inhaled deeply and went to sit at the edge of his workbench so that he could watch the crew as they went about the rest of their day.

He sighed and smiled as he watched Luffy and Chopper chase Brooke around the swing set. The skeleton teased the two teens as he joyfully jumped around them, staying just out of reach. They all ended up as a pile in the middle of the grass, everyone around them chuckling and rolling their eyes at the silliness of the captain, doctor and musician.

"Where is Usopp? He is missing all of the fun!" Chopper asked, brushing himself off.

Luffy frowned and allowed Brooke to help him up, "I don't think he has been feeling very well. He has been kicking and crying a lot in his sleep."

"Poor Usopp, maybe I should give him a sedative before bed tonight," Chopper said thoughtfully.

 _Don't waste your time._ Usopp picked up the pills from where he had lain them on the bench when writing and closed his eyes tightly. He shoved them into his mouth and swallowed them hard, wincing as the foul tasting pills slide down his throat.

It was done. He took a shaky breath and shook his head, allowing a tear to drop from his eye, before closing his mind to the fear, guilt and regret he felt began to creep up on him. He leant his elbows on his knees and watched his crew as they did their various activities below, all of them blissfully unaware of what was happening above them. He refused to look away from them until the pills forced his drug thickened lids closed to them forever.

There was no way for him to know how much time had passed. An hour? Probably closer to twenty minutes. His chin descended gradually towards his chest and his ears began to buzz faintly. It was getting hard to hear them, and even more difficult to see them. Suddenly, he could hear Luffy call him from below deck. "USOPP!" He jerked with a start, knocking the hammer holding the paper beside him to the floor. His eyes had slid shut without him realising it.

"Usopp! You left your sketchbook on deck, it's going to rain!" Nami called. She had gotten up from her chair and pulled the book from Luffy's hands. "You're going to ruin it, you idiot!" she explained to her bone-headed captain.

"Nami! I want to see the pictures!" Luffy whined, stretching his arms to get the book from Nami.

"Stop it!" She scolded, "if he wanted you to see them he would show you."

"But Na-," Luffy sputtered, a white piece of paper fluttered from the third floor and slapped him square in the face. "What the hell?" He narrowed his eyes and scanned the paper in his hands, his breathing growing heavier as he read through the paper. "USOPP!"

Usopp slid off the bench and hugged his knees. He flinched, the movement intensifying the humming in his ears and made him nauseous. He took deep ragged breaths to keep his head from spinning. By the time they found him it would be too late, it was a big ship after all.

"Usopp, where the hell are you!?" Luffy cried angrily. He could hear the rest of the crew running about as he threw out commands for them. "Franky, check his factory. Nami, check the bathrooms, Robin – the Library. We need to find Usopp now."

The crew, thoroughly confused went to do what they were told. Sanji, having just come from the kitchen, went to check the aquarium. Zoro checked random rooms as he went through the ship, while Brooke went down to the docking room. Luffy took the observation deck, climbing up the stairs frantically. He could faintly hear them all calling his name as they all hurried through the ship.

Usopp attempted to stand. He could lock the observation deck door; it was only about ten feet away. His thoughts had already begun to slow down, but he was desperate to keep Luffy from coming near him. If he locked the door, they would need for Franky to get the key, which Usopp had on him. By the time they broke through the door, it would be far too late.

Usopp pushed himself to his feet, almost tumbling as the ship began to swing violently around him. He stumbled towards the door, he had almost made it when someone rushed at him from behind and strong hands swung him around. He hissed through his teeth, and he faintly heard Nami gasp at the sheer animalistic sound of it. He barely registered her distress, as his wavering vision focused on Zoro who was holding him firmly in his arms.

"Usopp, what's wrong with you?"

Usopp tried to speak, but his jaw had gone slack. He wavered on weak legs, only standing because of Zoro's strong grip.

"He looks drugged," Nami said worriedly, as she checked Usopp's eyes.

"What did you do, Usopp?" Luffy demanded, his hands gripped his friend's hand trying to shake a part of him not in Zoro's embrace.

Usopp felt darkness slide over his vision. His knees buckled, and he fell against Zoro's solid chest. The last thing he heard before losing conscious was Luffy barking orders to get him to the hospital wing.

 _Too late,_ Usopp thought, a small smile gracing his lips. _I'm going home._

* * *

 **I left the ending ambiguous. It is up to the individual reader to decide what happened!**

 **I hope you enjoyed!**

 **Chandlure Trainez**


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